Mr. Fall Asleep on My Lap Why Don't You?

Once I got set up on a date with this attorney.  Naturally I was excited to go out with someone that I could have intelligent conversation with and hopefully hear about some really cool cases.  We talked on the phone and everything seemed promising.  I was having a dinner party that night and invited him over for the festivities.  He asked what he could bring and I asked him to bring a pie.  He showed up with cornbread.  Which he fed to me like a baby all night.  I thought my stomach was going to burst and I was so annoyed at the baby voices and feeding, but in order to save my new guest from embarrassment, I held my tongue.

In true "Finding Mr. Wrong Fashion" I went on another date which I thought might be painful but I went anyway.  We went to dinner and a movie.  I dressed up and he picked me up wearing short workout shorts.  So that was weird.  Then we went to the movies.  I can't remember what we watched but I do remember that it seemed like 3 or 4 hours long.  That was probably because in the first 30 minutes he lifted up the arm chair between us, moved my hands that were in my lap, laid down, and fell asleep!  I didn't know where to put my hands as I didn't want to rest them on his shoulder so I put them uncomfortably behind my head for the rest of the movie.

The best part was when he started snoring loudly for all to hear - oh and that was snoring into my lap...

Mr. "I tried to make-out with you... but you were tired"

This one always gets a crazy reaction.  Here goes:

So I met this guy and we dated for about 2 months at which point we decided not to date anyone else.  What was the point?  We liked each other sooooooo much.  The crazy part is that I found out he liked my friends a whole lot too.

We had a date planned for a Saturday afternoon and I asked if we could hang out with my best friend as well because she was having a particularly bad day.  He readily agreed because I thought he was such a nice guy.  We went out on his boat, swam in the ocean and had a great time.  Here is where it gets good.

After cleaning up from an adventurous day we went back to my friend's house to watch a movie.  I fell asleep as is the usual custom when I start movies after 10pm on any given night.  Right before I did he tried to make a move on me and I whispered oh so delicately, "honey, my best friend is right next to you - making out right now would be a little awkward don't you think?".  He grunted something and I turned over on the couch and fell asleep.

4 hours later I woke up to a blue TV screen and my boyfriend and best friend making out right next to me.  So as not to disturb the love birds I got up and shut the door behind me.  When I talked to him about what possessed him to try out polygamy without my consent, his only response was "I tried to make-out with you but you were tired"

Wow...

Mr. Sorry I can't come pick you up - I'm in Jail

This one should have been recorded and gone down in history a long time ago...  I meet lots of guys at Church - which makes this even more bizarre - but that's where you are supposed to meet all the nice boys, right?

We will call this bachelor "Jail Bird" for obvious reasons later on.  On our first day he took me to a cafe on Earth Day.  The food was amazing, the scenery was incredible, and I was definitely excited to get to know the boy across the table.  Then the dream story came up.  Here goes...

"I want to be completely honest with you so I have to tell you that I had a dream with my future daughter and she looked EXACTLY like you.  So I think we are going to get married."

What do you say to that?

Always willing to give second chances, I accepted another date.  He offered to pick me up from LAX and take me out to dinner.  So I flew in, got my bags, went to curb, and called him up with no response - straight to voicemail.   30 minutes later I decided I should check my voicemail thinking that maybe he had left a message about why he hadn't shown up.  Sure enough, there it was....

"Erin, this is _____.  I am so sorry I can't pick you up from the airport, I am in jail and this is my only phone call."

Practical joke?  I found out later at least he was honest.  In jail for awhile and no dinner date.  That one goes down for the books....